Left Lane

Left Lane A-Holes

An unpredictable opinion, written by Will Collette

“Can you believe this guy!?”

“I know, the speed limit is like 65 and this a-hole is going 63.”

Ladies and gentle-drivers, there are only three things in God’s world that will put
me into an irrational rage fest immediately. Those things are:

1. Mistakenly driving to Chick-fil- a on a Sunday.

2. If you thump me on the forehead.

3. People that drive in the left lane when they’re not turning or passing.

And of these three things, the driving one is by far the most sensitive trigger.
You could tell me that I won a trip to Paris, while showering me with free nacho
cheese, in a weird nacho shower with @MoonstruckTraveller while
simultaneously unleashing an absurd amount of puppies into the area, and I
would let a driver in the left lane ruin my vibe for the rest of the day in a matter of
.2 seconds.

I don’t know what it is. I could even be early for work. It doesn’t matter. I’ll still
tailgate a slow driver to the point where it looks like my car is a centipede on the back end of the idiot in front of me.

Look, I know that the speed limit is 65 and I was cruise controlled at 89 while
singing a Pitbull song about not-having- a-big- enough-paycheck or something but
God forbid I have to mash the breaks for a second to match the speed of a butt
fiddler in front of me.

*takes deep breath*

So I decided to make a change.

In an effort to simultaneously bring more joy into my life and eliminate one of the
three things I hate (Chick-fil- a if you’re reading this, you have a chance to really
prove Jesus answers prayers. Open 7 days a week?), I decided to laugh
hysterically when a slow car is in front of me.

‘But wait, Will, that would make you insane.’

Well, you’re not wrong. I definitely look like I have voices in my head while
laughing out loud in an empty car for no reason. But what if I told you I was
scientifically happier?

It’s true. According to an interview with Tom Bilyeu on his Impact Theory
Podcast, laughing (even alone), activates the brain chemicals and muscles in

your face that are associated with happiness, and can immediately change your

I was definitely skeptical, until I tried it myself.

After hearing these wise words, I
waited for the next opportunity to ride behind someone in the cruising lane. I
looked around to reassure that this couldn’t appear later on @daquan’s
Instagram, and started laughing in silence.

The result: it worked.

I sound crazy,
yes, but that’s what made it funny for real. This is even funnier when you’re in the
car with others who are also in on this. The first person realizes you’re behind a
slow car only to start a chain reaction of fake laughter, followed by real laughter.

With that said, the car in front of me no longer controls my
day. I am the master of my own ship, and I will steer it in a sea of laughter as you
look at me in your rear view and wonder why I have backed off your bumper and
am laughing hysterically with no one else in the car.

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